december 10, 2018

big day

I fear that my truest colors are not colorful

they are moss
they are the rot on the foundations of relationships that would have been
I fear that my truest intentions are not true
that my deepest insecurities are the reasons for all I do
because why would it be questioned
why would I fight back
if it were not the truest self I lack

I am a walking ticking time bomb
I am waiting to explode
always waiting for the next explosion
always waiting to scare them away
they always run

I'm not colorful
but the absence of color
I am darkness with a buffed exterior
Yield. Stop.
I am a red octagon
I want to be gone
right now, I want to be gone.