written with anxiety

when i close my eyes i see rejection

it's not what I thought it would look like
all dark with purple spots
mixed with the taste of toothpaste
clean. chaotic.

I am out of my mind but deep in my body
too deep.
so deep I hardly see the light from the lamp
screaming at me to sleep

go to sleep baby
tomorrow will be better

deep sighs and puffy eyes
everything is the same
but different.
looking at my thoughts through a magnifying glass
everything seems bigger
everything feels different

tomorrow will be better
but right now it isn't