march 3, 2020

you never stay the night

i thought i was entrapped by you

by the way your hands would wrap around my neck when we kissed
or by the way your soft gaze bulldozed its way into my deepest insecurities
I thought I was stuck
like the putty you melted my heart into every time you spoke words I always wanted to hear
I thought I was in too deep
like a titanic of memories, stories, and artifacts of my love that I never thought would resurface I was drowning until I realized I wasn't
and that every word you say says more about who you will always be than who I have been since you walked into my life I am free like a tidal wave
like a tornado
like a woman
whose ability to love demonstrates how much she has been able to overcome, not how much she is willing to give away
my inability to see through your inconsistencies is my detrimental instinct to trust
to see the best
to walk with an irreversible glow beaming from my heart because it is safer on my sleeve than locked away where no one will see when it's missing
I thought you had me
and I thought that was okay
until I realized it wasn't
and you weren't
because to take someone else's light only means that yours has diminished
and at one point maybe I could share
maybe I could dim my light for yours to shine brighter
but then I remembered I am me
and once I remembered that I forgot all about you